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Who likes to wait? We spend our lives in a fast paced world and we spend our lives running here and there. Waiting in lines at a grocery store or getting your oil change or even waiting for the light to change while driving. And there are times when we wish we could just stop. We want to just slow down. I am reminded of the story of Sarah and Abraham. Let's look at it.
God promised Abraham, he would have a son. When God came and told Abraham, Sarah was listening in the tent. Sarah was old. She was thinking, what? I want a child but I am too old. She actually laughed! Genesis 18: 9-15. Where is Sarah, your wife?” the visitors asked.“She’s inside the tent,” Abraham replied. 10 Then one of them said, “I will return to you about this time next year, and your wife, Sarah, will have a son!” Sarah was listening to this conversation from the tent. 11 Abraham and Sarah were both very old by this time, and Sarah was long past the age of having children. 12 So she laughed silently to herself and said, “How could a worn-out woman like me enjoy such pleasure, especially when my master—my husband—is also so old?” 13 Then the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh? Why did she say, ‘Can an old woman like me have a baby?’ 14 Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return about this time next year, and Sarah will have a son.” 15 Sarah was afraid, so she denied it, saying, “I didn’t laugh.” But the Lord said, “No, you did laugh.”
Have you ever thought  I am too old to have what God has promised? And then you have to wait? Are you kidding I have to wait? I don't like to wait!
Sometimes waiting can be so hard. We have all had moments in our lives when we wonder if we heard God correctly. So we wait.. and wait.. Do you get in a hurry and try to rush God or go before Him? Sarah did. She went ahead of God and had Abraham have a child with her hand servant. But that was not the promise God spoke to her and Abraham.
Waiting is hard! But God's promises remain  true even in the waiting period. Sarah realized God's promises years later when she began pregnant with Isaac. She then understood God's promise.Her journey was filled with doubt and wonder but yet God remained faithful to His word. I can only imagine Sarah saying, God, I'm sorry I didn't wait with expectation! Psalm 5:3 says In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly. 
So what do we need to do while we wait? Slow down and listen to God. Read His Word. Stay faithful. Just because you haven't seen His promise does not mean it isn't coming! God remains faithful in our waiting. He wants us to experience His peace even while we wait. 

​Ever felt like a misfit? Sometimes we feel that way when God is testing our character and attitude about the season we are in. God uses misfits to accomplish His plan.
He used Moses to lead the people out of Eqypt. A man who couldn’t talk plain. He used Esther to save Israel-a woman who was an Israelite and found favor with the king. Sarah laughed when was told she was going to have a baby at her old age, David who killed a man and God anointed him king and Peter who denied Jesus three times but Jesus said He would build His Church on Peter .. and the list goes on.
When we read their stories, we can see how they responded and are encouraged by God’s faithfulness in bringing them through a time of transition,fulfilling His purpose for their lives.
The greatest temptation is to get discouraged, give up or stay small. Our transition may feel barren, lonely or like you are in a desert. We have to remember that God uses all things for His purpose, not just the good seasons. Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Sometimes, this is a result of spiritual warfare—the enemy wants us to become stuck in the place of transition. He wants us to stay small, not believe His promises are true and not grow into all God wants for our next season.
We have to trust God and not stay stuck. Transition brings strong hope, knowing that God is preparing us for a season of great things. He is taking and pruning our rough edges and branches so we can yield more fruit. John 15:1-2 says
“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He [a]prunes it so that it may bear more fruit.”
If you feel as a misfit, in a time of transition, remember to remain faithful. Spend the time in prayer, letting God bring His new vision birthed into your soul. Serve others while you wait. Is He telling you to align with leaders who will equip and bring your gifts out? Is he telling you to start a new business? Is He asking you to step out of your comfort zone?
Finish the transition strong. Step into your new season and don’t think or believe small! God’s plans are always bigger than our plans.

Have you ever wondered how the Lord speaks? I do. The Lord speaks through different avenues to get my attention. He will speak through His Word or even anointed music. He speaks through others to confirm what He has told me. Sometimes, He speaks in a still small voice. Listening to His voice is an opportunity to be His voice to someone else.  
This past week I spent 3 days at a conference. Preparing for the conference in prayer and fasting, I was asking the Lord to speak. The conference was amazing, anointed and timely for my life. But something happened that shook me to the core.
During the worship, Annie Edwards, spoke  about a man who hadn’t picked up the guitar in a few years and God was calling him back. I heard the name “Josh”. Apostle Ryan Lestrange standing by me looked at me said you know who, and I said yes. He said say it and handed me the microphone. I said Josh.  It’s Josh. God spoke in a small voice. Suddenly, Josh came forward and received an impartation of music and I cried! Why? Because I had no idea this man even played an instrument. I was just being obedient to what I heard.
For me, it was listening to His voice and sharing what God spoke to me. What happened inside of me was a stirring through an act of obedience and confirmation from the Lord. Do not be afraid to speak as God speaks.
In this coming year, I hear the word Boldness. We have to step out of our comfort zone to step into all God wants us to do. He is calling a  remnant who will be His vessels to a lost and dying world. He wants to take the church to a whole new level. He wants us as the church to call forth what He has told us to do. How do we do that? By listening to His voice. He has a sound that will resonate and rock us to a dimension higher than where we are right now. Isaiah 6:8 says Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?" Then I said, "Here am I. Send me!" be the one God sends to bring encouragement. People need to know they are loved by God. God is calling us to be the voice to share His love with them. I love the scripture that says Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known. Jeremiah 33:3. Listen to His voice and be His mouthpiece.
God is calling His people to a new level of listening, hearing and obeying Him. I want to hear His voice. Don’t you? I pray you do.

Martha moments... even when things don't go exactly as I planned..
Getting ready for Thanksgiving this week and our garage door spring breaks and has to be replaced... our roof had a few loose shingles-not enough for insurance claim.. so out of pocket then to top it off as I was baking... I know no laughing..( those who know me know I don't know how to cook-but my mom has been helping me-thank goodness!) I burned a small cake cause I forgot I had it in there.. who wants a doorstop? Ha!
So in all the hustle and bustle of the holiday, I could see myself as Martha.. Not enjoying a time of relaxation in the midst of life.. I mean really who would have thought everything happens 2 days before Thanksgiving?
So after my disastrous cake, I needed to sit down and I began thinking of Martha.. Jesus was coming to visit and Martha was bustling around so busy she failed to sit at Jesus feet like her sister Mary did...I never want to be so busy that I take for granted how thankful I am for the cross and resurrection of the Lord Jesus, my family, my friends and all the blessings in my life.  I want the Mary moments to be more important to show Gods love and grace to others and in this Thanksgiving week to take time to reflect and love on Jesus.
2 Corinthians 4:15
All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Have you ever wished you could have a do- over?  A do- over of the day or week? Or maybe a do-over of your past? You know the things you wish you could have done differently from your past or even your present? I’m sure we all do at some point of our lives. But there is good news! Restoration can come to you. You do not need to live in the past or present of destruction, pain and bondage.
So what does it mean to be restored?  The definition of restored is defined as: repaired or renovated so as to return it to its original condition. So restoration means becoming what God called you to be defined with a destiny and purpose. So how do you get there? Let’s give you some examples from God’s word of restoration.
First let’s look at the story of the Prodigal son.  There was a rich man who had two sons. One day the younger son decided he wanted to leave home and he went to his father and asked for his inheritance. It is evident that the father and son did not have a good relationship. The son even though he loved his father, he decided he wanted to be on his own and he didn’t want to do the authority of his father. He wanted to go his own way, do his own thing and be his own boss. Sounds like he didn’t want to surrender his will, doesn’t it?
After a time he ran out of money. He had spent it all for his pleasures.  Then he found himself in a desperate situation. There was a famine on the land so he had to go to work. Guess where he went to work? He went to work on a farm feeding pigs. Because of the famine in the land, he started eating with the pigs. Finally, the son thought I can’t do this! So he decided that it would be better to return to the house of his father as a servant than to continue to eat with pigs and eventually starve.
As he came down the road, his father saw him. His father had been waiting for his return. So when his father saw him, he ran to meet him. The father didn’t bring him home to be a servant like he thought. His father gladly welcomed him home, not as a servant, but as a son. A feast was made. A robe and a ring were given to the son to attest to his position in the family.  Though he had gone away, his father accepted him back with no change in his status as a son. My friend that is how God is. No matter what you have done, what your life looks like, when you come back to the Lord, He restores your life… a life of restoration.

I really didn't want to write this week. At all. The past several days have been pure hell. My heart has been aching in ways I can't explain and the warfare in my mind has been absolutely raging. To the point that I have felt physically ill. Every little thing the devil could find, he has used against me and it has taken a massive toll on me.
I am off work today and had planned on spending the day before church tonight just laying around, reading and listening to worship music and talking to God. But I didn't even know where I wanted to read today so I popped open a devotional that I sometimes read from. First of all, this devotional was extremely timely for me. But as I was reading I kept hearing "119." A few weeks ago I began the book of Psalms, so, since that's what I had most recently started reading, I went ahead and flipped to Psalm 119. I thought the devotional was a timely word for me... man. I can't even tell you how much I needed to read this specific Psalm today. My heart and my spirit were so convicted all throughout (in the best way).
I mentioned before that this past week had been hell and to be totally honest I was beyond frustrated. And it showed. My entire being radiated pure annoyance and frustration. I was rude to my coworkers and my customers at work, I kept away from pretty much everyone, even my mom noticed something was very different. Why? I have seen nothing but junk coming from every direction in my life. I feel like everyone around me is under attack and I can't fix it. I have sensed so many ugly spirits around me and it has made me want to stay inside my apartment and never come out. The shooting in Vegas has made me absolutely sick to my stomach, I can't help but hurt for those people and their loved ones. I have stayed up all night and struggled to even eat due to worrying about situations that are completely out of my hands. I've allowed the enemy to get inside my head with all kinds of lies and it got the point that I reached out to ask for prayer from everyone around me because I felt completely helpless and like I couldn't do it for myself. My patience has been worn down to nothing. I know that God is good regardless of any circumstance and that I should praise Him because I know my sufferings occur for a reason. And I usually can, I usually press in the hardest when I don't want to. But this time was different. This was an attack like none I had ever experienced. And man is it hard to walk around in goodness when you don't feel it.
And that's exactly why God lead me to Psalm 119 today. Because it's all about delighting in God's word and in His law even when the world is throwing all sorts of junk at you. It's all about walking in holiness and righteousness even when life really sucks. It's all about pushing through and praising through your sufferings because you know that's when you're growing the most. It's all about trusting Him so much that you don't waiver in the face of adversity because you know where your provision comes from. It's all about embracing the pain and learning to love the process. It's all about asking God to provide you with understanding so that when it hurts, you know why it hurts and when it's hard, you're able to hold on and see it through to the end result.
It's funny because verse 164 says, "Seven times a day I praise you for your righteous laws," but we often tweak it to say, "Seven times a day I praise you for your righteous laws when you're pouring out blessing upon blessing over me," or, "Seven times a day I praise you when I see your promises unfolding," or, "... when life is great," but that's NOT what it says. It says "seven times a day I praise you." Point. Blank. Period. Every day. Seven times. No matter what.
I'm pretty guilty of not doing a whole lot of praising this last week or so. But after reading what I had just read, there was no way that I couldn't. So I spent the next few hours in my bedroom floor, on my knees and on my face, screaming out His name and telling Him how good He is. Not asking for anything. Not begging Him to forgive me for my actions and for the thoughts that have been running through my mind. Not telling Him how much I am hurting. Just simply loving on Him and allowing Him to love me right back. And I was flooded with tears because I was so overwhelmed by the love, grace and peace that I felt.
Sometimes that's all Jesus wants from us. To recognize His goodness. To show gratitude for the light instead of allowing the darkness to overtake our minds and our hearts. To shift our eyes to focus on the GOOD rather than allowing our vision to be blurred by the hurt. Sometimes He becomes quiet in our trials because He wants to see if we will continue to stay true to what we know without constant reassurance.
We all have these pretty pictures in our minds of what everything should look like. There are certain ways we would love for our lives-- every year, every month, every week, every day, every scenario, every conversation-- to play out. We want to physically see God's work in everything. We want to hear His voice as guidance in all of our ways. We want to see chains fall and grounds shake and demons flee. We want people to find Him through us. We want everyone to love everyone and to be surrounded be righteousness and holiness at all times. We want minimal conflict in the body of Christ and we want everyone to have pure intentions. We want people who are given platforms and opportunities to lead to do it justly. It's great when things work out that way. It's wonderful when everything flows smoothly. But most times, it doesn't. And even when it doesn't, He is still good and worthy to be praised.

I can't recall many times in my life when I haven't felt very alone and very misunderstood. That feeling of being alone in a crowded room? That's my life. Every day.
And I'm not one who enjoys the feeling of loneliness (not that anyone really does). Being alone, I can handle. Feeling lonely? Not so much.
LUCKILY, Jesus has taught me a few things about that "loneliness" feeling. Spoiler alert: It's not actually loneliness. It's called being set apart.
He didn't call me to be like the rest of the world. He called me to lead others to Him and to reach the broken, but in order for that to happen I must be DIFFERENT from the world around me. Romans 12:2 very specifically addresses it, "Do not conform the the pattern of this world, but he transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will." And sometimes that doesn't exactly feel good. Because in most cases (everyone has their battles) you have to go through a process in order to come to a place where you can be around certain things without taking part in them. God has to literally SET you APART from what is normal and familiar to you for a while in order for you to be set apart from it. For me, one of those things just so happens to be alcohol. I would be lying if I told you that it was easy for me to stop drinking. Because it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. God tried time and time again to get me alone for a (pretty lengthy) period of time so that He could RESET my mind and my heart and PREPARE me with strength so that I could still go back out into the world and minister to my friends and anyone else who needed me without being sucked back into the lifestyle that I used to live. But I broke that process several times and went right back to it because I absolutely could not stand being alone and feeling left out of the fun -- I couldn't see the bigger picture of what He was doing for me. So that's where I am right now. Because I finally see it. And again, it's not exactly been fun. Hear me when I say that the enemy works SO hard when he knows you're trying to give something up that will allow you to walk in the fullness of your destiny. There are times when I have questioned if surrendering my life to Jesus is really worth all of this. Very rarely do I ever see my friends anymore, and of course I miss them. But I know that God has more for me than the things I used to think I'd never go without. I know He will use me to bring others out of what He has brought me out of. I know how good this process is for me even though it doesn't always feel so good.
So right now, I don't necessarily have people I talk to about my petty daily struggles or even the big stuff. I don't go out of the house much anymore unless it's to see my mom or go to church. I don't do a lot of things the world would consider "fun." But that's okay. Because what I do do is spend a whole lot of time at home, in my quiet place with God. I was seeking council from all the wrong people in all of the wrong places and God pulled me away so that He could teach me that He is my counselor. I was calling on the world and the things/people it offered me to fix my brokenness and He showed me that He is the only one who can. Sometimes when we don't recognize it ourselves, He strips everything else away because when you have nothing and no one else, you know exactly who to turn to. This is the time that He has spoken more to me than I've been able to hear my whole life. I've learned so much about Him and we've gone so much deeper into the intimacy that He desires with me. So even when it does feel a bit lonely at times, I am thankful because I know that I am not truly alone, I am only set apart.
When God calls you to things bigger and better than you could ever imagine, you are going to lose things and people you care very deeply about during that journey. Not everyone you love is going to make the cut to go where you're going and not everyone is going to understand why you're leaving where you are. In fact, most people won't. And I'll be the first to tell you: It hurts. Boy, does it hurt. BUT don't let that tempt you to turn around. Because I'll also be the first to tell you that where you're going is worth so much more than what you lose along the way. You will never reach the top of a mountain if you keep going back down to pick up what you've dropped along the way.

You're in the midst of one of your happiest moments, listening and sharing, laughing and crying, reminiscing days already gone and anticipating days to come. You're in a room full of beautiful women of God who were obviously placed in your life for very specific reasons. You think to yourself, Wow... I am so blessed. I love these people so much. Thank you Jesus for putting them in my life. I couldn't ask for better. You know that you are right where you belong, surrounded by exactly who you are meant to be with. But suddenly, it doesn't feel so good. The room shrinks and you feel your chest collapsing. Those women seem so far away and you seem to stick out like a sore thumb. They see you. They know what you've done. They don't want you here. You don't belong here. You aren't even worthy of being in their presence. You aren't "good" like them. All you can think about is getting out of there. In the blink of an eye, one of the happiest moments of your life turns into a horror movie in your mind. Shame takes over.
Or maybe you're getting ready for church on a Sunday morning and decide that you shouldn't even go because your thoughts remind you of that boy you slept with several months back and you tell yourself God doesn't want you coming into His church. You can't even pray because you feel unworthy of even speaking to Him. Shame takes over. Maybe someone asks you what your story is and your mouth suddenly becomes paralyzed because you can't imagine telling them the kind of life you used to live. Shame takes over. Maybe you see someone in need or you can tell they are struggling internally and God prompts you to pray for them or to speak life into them but you don't because who are you to try helping anyone with anything when you struggle too? Shame takes over. Or maybe you're alone in your bedroom and you come across those broken razor blades and that little voice inside your head says, "Do it. You're worthless." Shame takes over.
Ya know, the devil is not stupid. But he's also not a genius. As I have heard it said time and time again, his tricks do not change. Ever. Because he knows what works. He knows what will break you down the fastest. One of his favorite weapons? Shame. I have never encountered anything that forces its way into your mind and shuts you down more quickly than you can even see it coming, the way shame does. I have never experienced anything more crippling.
The bad news: Shame is pretty common. I'd be lying if I told you that those scenarios I described weren't direct anecdotes from my life. I have yet to meet one person who has never experienced shame.
The good news: Shame is not from God. Like I said before, it is a weapon formed AGAINST us by the enemy. Why would God ever make me feel like I was unworthy because of my struggles? Why would He ever tell me that I'm not qualified to be used by Him because of what I've done in the past? He wouldn't. John 10:10 says, "The theif comes only to steal, kill and destroy," it ALSO says (and this is my favorite part), "I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." He will NEVER do or say anything that would do anything but benefit me, or you, or anyone (and sometimes it doesn't feel good, but that's a topic for another time). There is a vast difference between feeling conviction from the Holy Spirit and feeling condemnation, guilt and shame from the enemy. God wants us to recognize our wrong doings and to ask His forgiveness on those things but what He does NOT want is for us to dwell on them, allowing them to cripple us.
The better news: We have authority over shame. Every shameful thought that enters my mind, I have the authority to tell it to leave. I have it. You have it. Authority-- because of the Blood. In Isaiah 54:17 we are assured of this, "no weapon formed against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you." Typically I use this verse as a reminder about people in the natural who falsely speak out against me or when I'm in the middle of a tough situation and need to remind myself that it will not break me down. But often times I forget that it pertains to the enemy and his lies as well (because that's exactly what shame is-- a lie directly from hell).
The best news: We are not disqualified. I am not, and neither are you. The biggest lie that comes from a shameful mindset is the one that the things you did before you surrendered your life to Christ, or the things that you battle even after you've given your life, take you out of the race to be used by God. If that were the case, a huge chunk of the Bible wouldn't exist. Jacob lied, God used him. Elijah went through depression and had suicidal thoughts, God used him. David committed adultery and murder, God used him. Peter DENIED Jesus right in front of His face, God used him. I did a lot of things, God uses me. You've done a lot of things, God uses you.
I have wanted to share these thoughts for quite some time now but truth be told, God wouldn't let me. He brought me through it first so that I could fully understand it and understand how to fight it. Because up until just days ago I was a walking billboard with the word "shame" written all over it. I allowed it to overtake every part of my life and it kept me from stepping into the fullness that God wanted for me. But on Sunday, September 17th I was delivered from shame. Fully, completely. I answered an altar call (which is something I normally don't do because, ya know... too ashamed) and as I stood receiving the truth being spoken over myself and many other men and women, I felt the shame that once drowned me completely leave my mind, my heart, my body and my spirit. I fell to my knees overwhelmed by the glory of God and as I was there He said. "Now is the time. Write it down."
That's not to say that shame won't try to creep in from time to time. What it means is that when it does, I know how to destroy it. What it means is no more walking around feeling inferior to everyone around me because of my past. What it means is no longer doubting the power in my testimony. What it means is fully knowing that God can and will use me no matter how torn, beaten and broken my slate is. What it means is freedom.
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." // Romans 8:1-2